Motivation anyone?

I've been here a while now, and looks like I need something new to drive me. I've finally settled in with a daily routine, going to the lab etc etc. I've even started running again (unless it's too cold out..). But something happened to my motivation.. When I came here, I wanted nothing but to work 14 hours a day.. but I didn't have the tools to do it. I still don't, and I'm trying to realize why it's taking so long. It looks as though I'm too dependent upon other people's help at the time. In real life, I don't really mind, but when it comes to science, I like working with other people but depending on myself. That way I can steer and I can manage my own time. Right now, I spend most of my time waiting. In a way, I'm managed by other people's free time. and it's annoying. I know it's just a phase, it's only the beginning and all that. But I'm not happy with it.

I also haven't really started looking for a car, and again, I blame my lack of motivation. I am browsing through online ads and whatnot, but I didn't call anyone and I didn't go to a single dealer (being the lazy way to buy a preowned car). I just need to build up motivation..

You must be asking yourselves what (the hell) am I doing in my spare time.. so at work I read some and revise fellowship applications, since I have a feeling (and it's only me here, no one ever told me that) that my position will be safer if I bring my own funding. I guess this feeling will pass once I'm actually productive. but for now, I feel pretty useless.. and I would love to have that extra line or two in my CV saying someone thought I was worth the investment.
At home, I'm trying to get myself to read papers and textbooks and also fiction, but I can't get myself to sit still for more than ten minutes. So I resort to watching lots of TV. which is pretty bad.. back home I used to stay late at my lab to read, I should start doing the same here..

Sorry for bitching and moaning here.. wasn't the best day I guess. But I'm sure that once I start producing results, good or bad (hopefully good!!), I'll feel better about this postdoc.